Love doesn't always come that easy to people; some people find it difficult to find love, and some people are difficult to love, and others can find it difficult to open their heart to love. I am sure at times in your life you may have been there at least once. I know I have.
Maybe even as you read this, you are feeling frustrated at the lack of love in your life or how little love you feel for the life that you're living or the relationships you are in.
Often the obvious thing to do is to change these situations, ditch a relationship that isn't giving you enough love or find a new job that you can love more or find new friends that will love and appreciate you more.
Or worse, withdraw from the world because your heart has been broken so many times that you have completely lost the belief that you will ever find love or be capable of being loved. But, the obvious isn't always the place to start when you want to make changes especially when it comes to love.
It's not what's going on externally where you need to start. The place to start is with yourself. While many people won't want to hear this if you are not feeling the love in the areas of your life that you want or need to feel love, then I would encourage you to ask yourself, this question:
"Where am I not being loving towards myself or others?".
The answer to the question above will give an insight into what you really need to do to bring more love into your life.
The love you are looking for must first come from you, from the inside out. And if you don't look there first, then the chances are you will spend your life looking for love in all the wrong places.
If you are serious about bringing more love into your life, then here are my top eight things you can start doing today that will open you up to receiving more love, in turn, you will find all the love you need. And by doing just one of these things, you will transform the amount of love you have in your life.
1. Be love personified!
If you want to experience love, then you have to be the very thing that you want. You have to be like a magnet, magnets attract other magnets, in the same way as like attracts like and the same goes for anything. If you want more love in your life, then it's simple, be more loving. Think loving thoughts, do loving deeds, act in loving ways, as Mother Theresa says "where there is hatred sow love".
Give love freely and unconditionally, no strings attached and without the need or expectation for it to be reciprocated. If it doesn't come back from where ever you are sprinkling your love, keep sending it anyway even if it's just some loving thoughts that you are sending out into the world. To have more of anything you must personify the very thing you want to have.
The more love you spread, the greater, it will grow. Like mustard seeds, all it needs is a little water to grow!
2. Know how to love yourself first
To be able to receive love, you must be able to know how to love yourself first. If you are someone who puts everyone's needs before your own and neglects all the essential things that you should be doing for yourself, then you must start learning to put yourself first and giving yourself the love that only you know how to give yourself.
If you do not love yourself, then loving relationships will be difficult to find and nurture.
Learn to say no and have clear boundaries in place. Stop allowing people to take advantage of you, know what's important to you. Be clear on your values and stick to them. Don't settle for things that are less than what you want or believe you deserve just to fulfil the needs of someone else. If it doesn't align with your values, then move on with love and do what does.
When you can put your needs ahead of others and give yourself the time and attention you need to look after you, love will come easy. When you know how to love yourself, it's easy to love others and to create loving relationships.
The greatest gift of love you can give yourself is to be selfish first, then give to others!
3. Be yourself
It's so easy to fall into the trap of putting on a face and behaving in ways to meet the expectations of what you believe others want you to be, especially when it comes to our intimate and loving relationships. We want to be loved, and we believe the easiest way for us to be loved is to be exactly the kind of person we think others expect us to be. Wrong, that's the fastest route to ruining any chance of having happy, loving relationships with anyone.
People have a built-in radar that can spot a mile of those who are not authentic. And even if they are not attuned to this radar, it will become so difficult for you to keep any facade up that eventually the real you will find a way to shine through and that's usually when relationship challenges set in.
Just be you! You are perfect and whole just as you are, by being you, you are more likely to find love in all the right places.
By being yourself, love will come easy in all your relationships because you can relax knowing that you are loved just for being you!
4 Have an open heart and an open mind
Keep your heart open and learn to accept people for who they are, not what you want them to be or think they should be. Learn to let go of what doesn't matter, and avoid judging books by their covers. It's okay to be sceptical but always keep an open mind and heart about all your relationships.
5. Stay in the present
Avoid letting past negative experiences of loving relationships determine the outcome of your current relationships. Leave the past in the past, learn from it and let go of the attachment or hold it may have on you. Stop focussing all your energy on the future, and stay in the moment with all your relationships and enjoy what's unfolding from day to day and week to week.
You cannot predict the outcome of any situation and if you focus on "what if's" or any potential adverse consequences then just as a magnet attracts other magnets, then you will be setting your magnetic energy field up to draw the very thing you are focusing on. Give all your relationships a much better chance of success by focusing on being present and living in the moment without the need to jump ahead and determine their fate, positive or otherwise.
6. Know what you want and stick to it
Ge clear on what it is that you want from all of your relationships and hold to it. Compromise is good, but not at the cost of you sacrificing your most important values, or settling for less than you deserve. If you want relationships that are dependable and trustworthy and that isn't happening then let them go with love. Never compromise on what is important for you in any of your relationships.
7. Practice love every day
If you want more love in your life, then you must practice love every day. Like a muscle, love will get stronger the more you use it and build its strength. Get into the habit of doing at least one loving thing for yourself every day, and do that before you do anything for anyone else.
Start noticing all the small things you appreciate about your life, and focus on the feeling that it gives you, you will see that this feeling will go from that initial thought of appreciation or gratitude into a warm glow of love.
Write yourself a love letter at least once a month that will help you to stay connected to all the things you love about yourself and help you to remember to love yourself first. Write about all the things you would want someone to write to you in a love letter, after all, no one can love you the way you love yourself.
8. Focus on what you are giving and not on what you are getting!
Stop thinking about all the ways you are not getting your needs met in your relationships and start focusing on all the ways you can give more to the relationships you have.
Start listening more, show a genuine interest in the lives of those around you. When you meet friends or family or colleagues you haven't seen for a while don't bombard them with all the stuff that you are doing or not doing or worse, all that you don't have or are not getting.
Instead, focus on them, find out what's going on their lives. Do a little mini audit of all your friends and family and ask yourself how much do you know about these people. If you are honest with yourself, you might be surprised to find that you don't know that much about their lives, only what you imagine their lives to be like.
The more love you have to give the more you can make space to receive love back. If you are filled with anger, fear, or resentment towards people because your needs are not being met, then that's what you will continue to experience. Shift your focus away from your needs and give the love you want to receive. Then watch it bounce back at you in ways you may never have expected.
When it comes to having more love in your life, it's not about you get; it's about what you give out and how capable you are of taking care of your needs and loving yourself. By being selfish, you won't give a seconds thought to your needs not being met by others because you know you can take care of your needs.
Giving love then becomes easy, and when giving love is easy the reward is all of the love that you receive back, freely and unconditionally.
Download my mini Hypno-meditation "Opening Your Heart To Love" that will help you to open more to giving and receiving love.
Wishing you much love this valentines day and beyond.
P.S You can also connect with me over at my Private Facebook Coaching Group I am in there most days for support and encouragement.
Sign up for my free ebook - "The Reinvention Method - 8 Steps to Reinvent Yourself and Transform Your Life...Even if you have found it impossible in the past"
Avril Gill, Hypnotherapist Transformational Coach & Hypnotherapy Trainer